‘Tis the season to start planning for the season to be jolly. Winter is just around the corner with all of its trademark holidays, and you know what that means—spending too much money on gifts, awkward familial interactions, and socks, socks, socks. We’re just going to come out and say what everyone is thinking: the holidays kind of suck. You finally get some time off from work, only to be stuck traveling, talking with relatives who are best kept distant and telling your mother-in-law that she didn’t overcook dinner, a lot of people think ham should crack when you cut it.
With all the work that goes into this relaxing time of togetherness, the last thing anyone needs to worry about is promoting their brand. To that end, we’ve come up with some of the best ideas for the end of the year. They’re not the best way to promote your company, or the best way to promote your brand, or the best way to promote yourself. No, what we’re offering is the best way to make sure you don’t get invited to the next Griswold family Christmas. As far a we’re concerned, that’s a gift that keeps on giving.
10–It just wouldn’t be the holidays without a Festivus pole. Made of aluminum, with a very high strength-to-weight ratio, it can fit perfectly in your crawl space for easy storage.
9–College dorm rooms and student films have killed Christmas lights as decor, so take it to the next level with Christmas fireworks. Nothing says “family togetherness” like exploding balls of fire in the sky.
8–Bring the Gourmet Holiday Tin from Del Rey to any family gatherings. It can be filled with treats everyone loves, such as mixed nuts, pistachios, jelly beans and more, and when your family is busy shoveling food into their mouths they aren’t arguing about who Dad loves best. (It’s Steve.)
7–Imprinted snow. What better way to promote your brand than by attaching it to everyone’s favorite winter meteorological phenomenon? Think of all the impressions you’ll get as drivers, stuck in traffic, have no choice but to look at your company name written in snow. Only available in one color.
6–Warwick Publishing’s Raised Foil Stamped Classic Season’s Greetings Cards can come blank so you can show your genuine appreciation for all the nice gifts you receive this year, or include stock sentiments to send to your great aunt Esther thanking her for that hip Leif Garrett CD she’s bought you for the last 22 years in a row.
5–The Christmas album is a staple of the season, but The Carpenters and Bing Crosby are passé. Stand out from the crowd with “A Very Metal Christmas,” featuring the best ’80s heavy metal/classic holiday song mash-ups. Highlights include “Mama, I’m Coming Home for the Holidays” by Ozzy Osbourne, “For Whom the Jingle Bells Toll” by Metallica and “Let There Be Peace on Earth/Symphony of Destruction (outro)” by Megadeth.
4–Cosby sweaters for the whole family. It’s a fact that if a large enough group of people all dress like “the Cos” on Christmas eve, then Bill Cosby will come down the chimney, eat dinner with your family, bring Jell-o for dessert and improvise “The Night Before Christmas.” Go on, try it. Send us photos.
3–Every year, your neighbors send you postcards with photos of their families, and then they get offended when you throw them out. The 1.5″ LCD Digital Photo Ornament from V-Line/Norwood helps you solve that problem. Scan those photos, load them to the ornament and you can keep them forever without cluttering your refrigerator.
2–Wine. Lots and lots of wine.
1–A 60″ plasma TV because we’ve been really, really good this year, haven’t we? We also want a pony.
