Imagine my surprise to find that my coworker, Charles Plyter (yes, the Charles Plyter from Michael Cornnell’s blog) and I have the same instinctive reasoning process. It’s a model we like to call, “If you think someone’s doing something bad/weird/inappropriate/illegal/borderline-maniacal … they probably are.” (Patent pending).
Right now, you might be asking yourself who we think we are to judge in such a fashion. Well, nobody’s perfect, I’ll grant you that.
The thing is, we don’t always stop long enough to analyze situations using the most obvious rubric. Despite the fact that, when you really think about it, some things are so clear-cut they’re an outright assault on your common sense. And therein lies the problem.
For example, in sports, if you think someone’s taking steroids, he probably is. Honestly, how else can the steroids warning bells be explained away? He went to the gym more often? Um, no, but thanks for playing. It wasn’t just an extra round of squats that turned Barry Bonds into the hulking mass of steel and brawn that he is today.
Need another example? Here are a few more:
• If you think that soup is too hot to drink, it probably is. And nothing quite ruins your week like a burned tongue.
• If you think The Dark Knight might be too intense for a seven-year-old, it probably is. Learned that one the hard way.
• And finally: If you think the killer is in an upstairs room, they probably are. It doesn’t matter how gingerly you tiptoe up the stairs. It’s a trap. The killer is smarter than you, and oddly enough, can walk faster than you can run. Your car probably won’t start either.
I recently finished an article on summer styles for our April issue, and to my excitement, a new addition to the “If you think so … it probably is” genre materialized out of the content. It’s so obvious, I should have known. But no matter. This is precisely why the system exists in the first place.
If you think your outfit is inappropriate for work, it probably is. Yes, it’s hot out. Yes, the season all-but-demands a more casual approach to dressing, but really.
No halter top in existence will cover you the way you should be covered at work. Your “house shoes” are called that because they’re not meant to leave the premises. If you have even the faintest idea that the opposite might be true, it’s time to whip out your new system of checks and balances.
Similarly, when helping choose corporate-apparel promotions for the summer, less clothing shouldn’t really be part of the equation. And if you listen to that little voice inside your head, it will undoubtedly steer you toward lighter fabrications such as cotton and jersey or separates that pair a sleeveless shell with a light cardigan. Because human resources will be more than happy to give offenders a second opinion on their summer ensembles.
And if you think it’s going to lead to an embarrassing office moment … it probably will.
