When I was little, my parents instilled in me the habit of saying “please” and “thank you” in a number of situations. It was polite, and if I didn’t include the word, I got “the look” and a whispered reminder to say the word(s) I’d omitted. As I got older, the habit actually started to mean something. No little girl wants to get a brown and orange plaid sweater from their aunt when they were hoping for a Shaun Cassidy poster (I was born in the early 70s). This gets a forced “thank you.” However, when I got the poster from another relative, they got the “Thank you!” accompanied by a big smile and a sincere hug.
We’ve likely all been there. My husband and I have passed along the politeness trend to my two daughters. In their later teenage years, they now get it. I get the eye-roll at the holidays or in any situation if I ask if they remembered to thank the person who gave them a gift or helped them. However, I’d rather have them annoyed at my making sure they were polite than to have them wonder why they should say please or thank you.
It astounds me how many people either don’t understand the importance of simply being polite. Kids and Halloween are a great example. Most of the children in our neighborhood say “thank you” after the candy is dropped into their pail. There are always a few who take off without uttering anything. When they run to the sidewalk (through the grass and shrubs—not on the paved walkway) to their parents, they’re asked, “What did you get?,” not “Did you say thank you?”. And the trend will continue when they have kids and so on and so on.
Can I break that trend? Not alone, but with your help!
Emails are the worst. In conversation, saying “please” and “thank you” flows more naturally. However, the absence of either in a stark email makes that message even colder. Requests become demands that aren’t appreciated. In reality, the sender is probably a very considerate person, but in email, they sound like Attila the Hun. And, please, kill the ALL CAPS. We all learned that in the 90s. It hasn’t changed.
Be sincere. When my younger brother would reluctantly share a piece of candy with me as kids, my “thank you” was with a sneer and very sarcastic. Assume that someone helping you or giving you something is well-meaning. Saying “thank you” with a warm smile or in a warm tone on the phone could actually be the highlight of their day. That may sound sad, but it could be very true. Thanking someone is also an investment in their emotional bank account, and can help you with future interactions with them.
Be deep. A flip “thank you” reply to anyone who emailed you any type of information might be sincere, but it fills up their inbox and your outbox with a lot of extra email to wade through. If they did something that helped you land a sale, get through a project or made some part of your day in any way, let them know that. Send them a note (email or, better yet, hand-written) or call them, telling them in a couple of sentences why you appreciate what they did and how it helped you. I guarantee they will take the time to read it, and it will mean more to them than the 40 two-word messages sitting in their inbox ready to be deleted.
